Hi Sam, I’m not sure if you’ll see this, I actually kinda hope you don’t, not like it matters. I just wanted to say I miss you, a lot.. I still think about you everyday just like I have since for as long as i can remember. Constantly reminiscing over all the time, though few, we spent together and all the times I wish we could’ve spent together. With it being almost a year since we first started talking I’m still trying to figure out how I can have so much history with someone in such little time. I’ll never understand it. It really tears me up that we don’t ever talk anymore, not even casually. You were one of the first people to come around and really make me feel like I mattered. It felt like someone finally cared about me as much as I cared about them. Now I’m stuck on you and terrified. Ever since I found out Drew has been stuck on the same girl for 5 years I’ve been so scared because I feel so certain that that’ll end up being me with you. From the moment I open my eyes to the time I shut them again, there does not pass a single minute where I don’t think about you. I needed you more than anything the first time you left, I already felt shitty about myself as is and when you ended up with someone else so suddenly really fucked with my head. As it turned out though you still actually wanted to be with me. I waited so patiently and things were so up and down. Finally I decided that I was gonna make a change, so i moved out of my dads and in with my sisters. things got better, and you actually were making your way out of my mind, i thought about you, but i was getting okay with the fact we werent gonna be together. Then one night you call me crying saying you were gonna fix everything, which you seemed to eventually do. we were getting close again, i got it to where i could see you often so distance wasnt a problem like it was before, everything was working out better. i was feeling happy and content again. I loved following you around the mall while you were all dumb and shit while you shopped. i loved just sitting around doing nothing with you, i loved talking to you, i loved eating with you i loved watching movies with you and i just absolutely loved picking you up and kissing you. I remember, after your first show, i dont remember why but i was feeling bummed out and you told me that i was so amazing, that there was no one else youd rather be with, i was the guy for you and there was nothing to worry about.
i went to bed that night feeling so good about myself. Then the next day came and it was all down hill again. I woke up to you being pissed off at me and you said that youd actually prefer being with someone else instead of me. that you couldnt see me in your future. that im really great and all but just not what you want. I replay that conversation aver and over in my head so often. I still dont understand. you never explained. im so confused and i miss you. im a wreck. im trying to keep myself together but i cant on my own.
i just keep hoping that youll come back to me or youll fall for me again, cause from what i see, you no longer has the slightest interst in being with me again. in dont even know where im going with this anymore, ill ive done is brought myself to tears. baically what im trying to say is i love you Sam, i dont know why or how but i do, and that just how it is.
you texted me but then you didnt reply back after i did.
sighh i git all excited for nothing. its like youre trying to tear me apart
Everyone I ever treated the best always treated me like I was disposable, replaceable. Soon after, I always found out that i was.